What We've Lost
by livinlife2thefullest
Summary: No matter how strong we are, we can still fall and shatter. previously titled: Something Worth Fighting For
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter: 1 **

**So, I hope you enjoy this new story idea, I'm not to sure where this story is going past Ch. 2 but we'll just see what happens. Oh and as we all know I don't own any of these characters.**

When she opened up her eyes she didn't know where she was. The thought sent a shiver through her body. Slowly she tried to sit up and was immediately hit with an intense pain in her head forcing her to lie down again.

"Jane," the voice was barely above a whisper but it got her attention. She slowly turned her head to the side and looked around. There was nothing to see only white everywhere she looked. "Jane," the voice said again "Get up." In the distance there was a hazy figure and Jane squinted her eyes to see. As the figure got closer it became clearer until she recognized the face of her Grandfather staring down at her. "C'mon get up." He said in a kind but firm kind of way. She stared up at him unable to believe what she was seeing. Her Grandfather had died when she was seventeen. He looked the same as he did the last time she had seen him. Bright eyes full of the knowledge that came with getting older, his hair starting to gray, and wrinkles showing at his eyes and around his mouth. She could also faintly smell the scent that was so uniquely him.

"Granddad?" Her voice was hoarse and her throat was so dry it was hurting. "What," she cleared her throat and looked up at her Grandfather with confused eyes. "What…"

"Get up Jane." He repeated sternly. She blinked a few times then attempted to sit up again. The pain shot through her head again and she almost gave up. "No, you can't do that." Her Grandfather said. "Get up." She clenched her teeth against the pain and fought until she managed to get to her knees. "There you go, a little more." She took a deep breath and managed to slowly get to her feet, swaying slightly before finally being able to stand up in front of the man who had always been able to get through to her, even during her most stubborn times. She had missed him terribly.

"Granddad?" She repeated, her voice stronger than her last attempt. "What happened?"

"You need to remember." He said nodding in encouragement.

"But you're…"

"Remember Jane." She looked at him for a moment longer before closing her eyes and trying to push past the fogginess in her mind.

"I…we had a case." She opened her eyes and he nodded for her to continue. She closed her eyes again and focused. "Um, it was extreme. The victim was in a burned house, the body charred…a bomb…the suspect set a bomb in the vic's house, on the second floor so that it wouldn't instantly kill her."

"Good, keep going." She heard him say. Pain shot through her head again and it almost brought her to her knees. "Focus," he said and she tried to push through it.

"Uh…we figured out it was the vic's ex-husband, he used to work in demolition a while back. He lost his kids to her in the custody battle a few years ago and had just heard that she was getting remarried, to his now ex-best friend." The pain grew more intense but she focused on remembering. "We went to the building he worked in, some stupid marketing company…we had the building evacuated." She could remember the people being led out of the building. She remembered walking up the stairs with Frost and Korsak, and then there were only broken pieces, someone yelling, people running, and a loud bang. Her eyes shot open and she looked into her Grandfather's eyes. "Granddad? Am I dead?" His eyes lit up and he shook his head.

"You have to get up." He said smiling warmly at her, but his eyes keeping that stern look in them.

"I am up." She whispered, feeling another stab of pain. He stepped closer and brought a hand up to touch her face.

"You grew up so beautifully." He said and tears came into his eyes.

"I miss you so much." Jane said feeling the soft warmness radiating from her Grandfather's hand. A tear fell down her face and he gently wiped it away.

"I'm always watching you Janie." He said smiling brightly at her. "I am so proud of you, every single day you make me proud of you."

"I love you." She wrapped her arms tightly around him, the warmth completely surrounding her as he did the same. They stood like that for a moment before he slowly pulled back and looked directly into her eyes.

"You have to get up Jane." He said again.

"But I…"

"I love you." He said firmly, "now you must get up." She felt the pain spread from her head to her arms, down her back, and to her legs, suddenly everything seemed to hurt. She looked at her Grandfather who seemed to be fading away again.

"Granddad." she called out not completely understanding what was happening. He faded out of view then everything went dark. The light was gone, everything was hurting and all she saw was darkness. A whisper came moments later.

"Get up."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter: 2**

**Ok guys I had to change the title because I have finally figured out what I want to do with this story, and the first title and description didn't fit right. Anyways hope you enjoy!**

The darkness was consuming. She could feel it as if it were alive, fighting to keep her there, to drag her further down into the depths of it and never return. True to herself, she fought hard against it though her body seemed to be siding with the darkness. Everything was hurting but most of all her head was pounding furiously. It seemed that the more she fought, the more her body rejected the attempts and told her to stay down. Despite all that she could feel herself right on the edge of where the darkness met the light. In the distance she could hear something. A mumbling sound, like someone was trying to talk through a wall. She focused on the sound with all the strength she could manage, hoping that she could use it to pull herself out of the state she was in. She concentrated as much as her the pain in her head allowed her to. Slowly the sound seemed to be coming closer to her. She fought harder and finally could make sense of what the sound was, a faraway voice calling out to her.

* * *

As he made his way to his feet Korsak could of swore that he was going to have a heart attack. He brushed the dust off his clothes and leaned over coughing up what he had inhaled. He replayed the last thing he could remember over and over again until the coughing calmed down and he was able to straighten up.

"Damn," he said taking in the gaping holes in what was the floor above him. The walls where cracked and in some spots looked as if they could fall apart, and there were debris everywhere. Not to mention the fire that he could barely see off in the distance, causing smoke to be in the air. "Damn," he repeated carefully stepping around the ruined room. "Jane! Frost!" he called out and coughed some more before trying again. "Can anyone hear me? Jane! Frost!"

"Korsak!" He instantly recognized the voice as Frost and began making his way towards the sound.

"Frost! Let me hear that voice!" He called out in desperation to find his friends. He could hear coughing before Frost called out to him again.

"Over here! Korsak!" Korsak moved faster as the voice got closer and almost tripped over a piece of what he guessed was a shattered desk. He cursed but kept moving, relief flooding over him when he finally caught sight of the younger detective. It was short lived though when he saw a piece of…something heavy looking pinning both his legs to the ground. Korsak rushed over to him but Frost shook his head and pointed in another direction.

"J…Jane, she hasn't moved. I'm stuck and…and she hasn't moved." Korsak then noticed the tears and frantic look on Frost's face. He looked over to where Frost was pointing and immediately saw Jane lying face up on the floor a couple of feet from them. He froze up as he looked towards her unmoving form. "Go!" Frost shouted at him, snapping him back into action. He quickly made his way over to her. He felt his heart skip a beat at the sight of her pale skin and the blood that he could only assume came from a head wound. He reached down and lightly pressed a hand against the side of her face, being careful not to move her head. Her skin wasn't supper cold but it was cool feeling against his hand. He then felt for a pulse, it wasn't what he wanted but it was there and that was all he cared about.

"Jane," he said softly calling out to her. He reached down and rested a hand against her shoulder. "Janie can you hear me? Janie wake up," he said a bit louder. "C'mon kid, you've got to wake up."

"Is she ok?" Frost called from where he was still trapped. As much as he hated to do it, Korsak forced himself to stand up and make his way back over to Frost. "Is she ok?" he repeated looking from Jane to Korsak. Seeing the look in Korsak's eyes Frost felt his heart stop for an instant. "How bad?"

"Bad," Korsak said, knowing that it wouldn't help to lie to him.

"What are we going to do? We have to help her, we have to get out of here." Frost said glancing back at Jane then looking to Korsak for answers.

"First things first, let's get this…whatever this is…off of you." He said, "then we can see about get all of us out of here." He said emphasizing the word all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter: 3**

_"Get up" _she could hear her Grandfather's voice echoing inside of her. It was like she was a teenager again trying to give up and he wasn't letting her. She was thankful for her grandfather for many reasons, but that had to be the most important thing he could have done for her as a kid. When she wanted to give up he would push her. When she got angry he would get angrier, one time even getting up in her face and making her back down after she had thought she was brave enough to try and get up in his face. Then when all she wanted was to be left alone he would take her by the hand and make her focus her anger on something else, something positive. He never let her give up on herself. He always had a way of getting her to keep going. "_Get up_." She tried again to push past the barriers that held her back, but it was too much. She needed to rest, just a little, but the last time she tried she felt herself falling further into the darkness. If she was being honest with herself she wanted to give up. It would be so easy. So easy to just let go and let the darkness take her. She would finally be free of the burden of living. Be free of all the hurt, the pain, and fear that was in her life. She desperately wanted to let go and apologize with all her heart to her Grandfather for not fighting. Suddenly there was something else, a reason to fight that not even her Grandfather could beat. She imagined the beautiful golden hair, and the smile that lit up her face and made her eyes come alive every time she saw Jane. The warmth and comfort that her arms brought when they were wrapped around her, and just the all around feeling of love they shared. Things had been pretty stressed between the two of them lately and that just gave Jane an even better reason to hold on. She had to get back to Maura, she had to tell her that she was sorry for being a jerk, to remind her of just how much she loved her and make sure she never thought otherwise. As much as she wanted to just let go, she knew that she wouldn't. That she couldn't. A feeling of something soft and warm gently touching her face brought her out of her thoughts and she could hear someone talking to her again. She fought hard to reach the voice. Pushing against the blackness with all she had.

* * *

"Can you feel your legs?" Korsak asked.

"I don't think anything is broke," Frost said nodding.

"Ok, I'm going to lift this up and do you think you can pull your legs out?" He nodded and Korsak bent down and grabbed a hold of the massive object. It wasn't as heavy as he had originally thought, but it was heavy enough. Frost quickly moved his legs out of the way and winced a bit from a sharp pain that ran up his left leg. He looked down to see that it was bleeding from a cut.

"Shit," he muttered, taking off his jacket he ripped off the sleeves and used them to wrap up his leg. Korsak helped him to stand.

"Now, let's go see what we can do for Jane, and try to get out of here." Frost nodded and together they made their way back over to Jane. Korsak reached a hand out and gently touched her the side of her face, again being careful not to move her head. "Jane, can you hear me?" he called out to her.

"Jane," Frost said going to the other side of her. "Jane. Wake up."

"C'mon kid," Korsak whispered hoping against hope that she would just listen to them, just this once. "C'mon Jane." He said a bit louder, getting desperate. He looked up to see his worry reflected the younger detective's face.

"Korsak, what if…"

"Don't go there Frost." He said a little harsher than what he meant. "I…I just can't." He closed his eyes and rubbed his eyelids trying to think of what to do.

"Korsak!" Korsak's eyes snapped open at the urgency he heard in Frost's voice. Frost was looking down at Jane with wide eyes and when Korsak looked down at her he could see her eyelids twitching.

"Jane! Jane open your eyes!" He said feeling his heart speed up.

"C'mon Jane!" Frost joined in and finally her eyes opened and both men had to refrain from pulling her into their arms and hugging her. Korsak felt relief flood through him until he saw the pain behind her eyes.

"Jane," he said gently. "I need you to say something for me ok?"

"K…Korsak." She managed to choke out. "Ahhh…Damn it!" she yelled, or as much as a yell as she could do. "My head…" She slowly reached her hands up and brought them to her head.

"Do you think you can get up?" Korsak asked looking at her with deep concern. Jane looked at him, her head was killing her and she was going to shake her head no until she caught a glimpse of the hole where the floor above them should have been, and she remembered what had happened. She slowly nodded as much as she could and attempting to move. Her head immediately protested and she halted all movement. _"You have to get up Janie."_ She heard again. Calling upon all her strength she fought against the pain and managed to sit up with the help of Korsak and Frost. "Now let's try and get the hell out of here." Korsak said looking around at the destruction.

* * *

Their relationship had been a bit rocky lately. It was only made worse by the fact that the both of them seemed to be refusing to acknowledge that they were growing apart. Earlier on in their relationship Maura would have been worried by the fact that she hadn't seen or heard from Jane all day, but sadly it was becoming more and more often lately. Maura was deep into finishing one of her reports when the call came in, and quickly all those concerns about their relationship fell away. She drove well over the speed limit as she raced to Jane. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she thought for sure it was going to explode. Her world felt like it was spiraling out of control and she couldn't do anything to stop it. As she reached her destination she swore to herself that when she saw Jane she was going to wrap her arms around her, hold her tightly and never let her go. That was until she stepped out of the car and took in the sight before her. Many officers running around trying to do something to help, she also saw an ambulance treating two injured officers. She took in all the chaos until her eyes settled on the building before her, and refused to look away from the damage. She felt her breath hitch in her throat and she franticly searched through the panic, hoping that she would see Jane and that everything was ok.

"Maura!" She spun around to see Frankie pushing his way through some people to get to her. "Maura what are you doing here?"

"I heard there was an explosion, Jane…she was suppose to be here." She looked up into his eyes and refused to believe what she saw in them. "Frankie where is she?" Her voice shook and even though she already knew the answer she had to hear it to make it real.

"They didn't get out Maura. Janie, Frost, Korsak, they're still in there somewhere." If it were possible, Maura was sure she could feel her heart really explode. The pain in her chest hurt and she felt like she couldn't breathe. Her head felt light and she knew she was going to pass out. She felt Frankie wrap his arms around her and she clung to him, holding on tightly and releasing all the emotions she had been holding back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter: 4**

He cursed when he saw her car speeding into the parking lot. Not that he could truthfully say that he was surprised. The officer who had called it in hadn't said any names, but he knew that as soon as Maura heard what had happened she would be on her way. He had seen the shock on her face when she had stepped out of her car and looked up at the destruction of the building. He saw the look of desperate hope as her eyes scanned through the crowd, and his heart broke knowing that the face she was looking for wouldn't be there. He was about to go over and give her the news, but Frankie had beaten him to it. The hardest part to watch was that desperate hope she still held in her eyes fell and was replaced with devastation. She broke down in his arms, and as much as Frankie tried to stay strong for her, he quickly found himself in tears too. Cavanaugh decided to give them a moment before he would go over and intrude. Sometimes he hated his job.

* * *

Korsak and Frost helped Jane to walk towards the other side of the room, where Frost guessed there would be a staircase. She only stumbled once and was quickly caught by the two men. Frost was the first to spot the door, and the pieces of what looked like, what was suppose to be the floor above them, blocking it. With a sigh of frustration Korsak looked at Frost and nodded towards the wall. Frost nodded his understanding and they led Jane over to the wall and helped her to sit down. She slowly brought her knees up towards her chest, wrapped her arms around her legs, and let her head rest against her knees. Korsak glanced at Frost then lowered himself to his knees in front of her.

"Jane," he said softly, placing his hands on her arms.

"I think it's getting worse." Her voice was tired and Korsak could here the pain in it.

"I know but you have to stay awake for me ok?" When she didn't give an answer he gave her arms a gentle squeeze. "C'mon Rizzoli, lift your head up."

"I can't," She said quietly.

"Yes you can Rizzoli. C'mon lift up your head, just for a little while." Slowly she managed to lift her head up and look at him.

"There you go kid. Now, don't you go anywhere on me." He stood up and motioned for Frost to follow him. They took a few steps away and spoke in a low voice so that Jane wouldn't hear them.

"She doesn't look to good." Frost whispered.

"No, she doesn't. Damn it what should we do? She shouldn't be moving but we have to get out of here. There's no telling what'll happen if we stay." He said scratching the back of his head. "We have to keep her awake." Korsak said rubbing his eyes in frustration.

"Try to keep her talking." Frost suggested, "This is some seriously screwed up shit." Korsak nodded and they made their way back to the door.

"You still with us over there?" Korsak said looking over at Jane who had rested her elbows on her knees and cradled her head in her hands. She looked up at him and he smiled, as much of a comforting smile as he could manage. "Ok let's get to work on this." Him and Frost got to work trying to clear the door.

"So, you never quite got around to telling us what was going on between you and Maura." Frost said glancing at Jane.

"Yeah, what happened?" Korsak added. Jane opened her eyes again and glanced up at them for a moment.

* * *

"How are you holding up Rizzoli?" Cavanaugh asked, finally making his way over to where Frankie and Maura stood.

"Uh," Frankie wiped his eyes and tried to compose himself as much as he could. "As well as expected sir, anything new?"

"We know that Weaver wasn't in the building so he either has eyes on the place, or the bomb had a timer on it." Cavanaugh said. "We also know that they were on the tenth floor but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. The fire department is on their way."

"Sir…"

"Your needed plenty enough right here." Cavanaugh said knowing exactly what Frankie wanted. The two men shared a look of understanding then Cavanaugh looked at Maura. "You ok Doc." He asked gently and she shook her head. "Maybe you…"

"I'm staying here." She said quickly, and in a voice that clearly stated there would be no argument.

* * *

_"You didn't have to be rude Jane," Maura said walking into her house and taking off her coat. Jane rolled her eyes when Maura turned around. "I haven't seen Alan since college, the least you could've done was be nice." She said turning around to face Jane again. _

_"Seriously Maura." Maura had been silent the entire trip back from dinner and Jane knew the argument was coming. "He was flirting with you, even after you told him we were dating." _

_"He was not!" _

_"Seriously, I mean can you really be that naïve?" Jane practically yelled at her. Maura glared at her and moved so that they were only a couple inches from each other._

_"Do not call me naïve. You were jealous and for some reason you just won't admit it." She said with a look that dared her to say something back. _

_"I wasn't being jealous. I was being protective." Jane never had a problem rising up to the challenge. "And the fact that he invited you out for drinks tomorrow night only proves my point." _

_"He invited me as a friend, so that we could catch up with each other." _

_"He didn't invite me." She pointed out._

_"You were rude!" Maura moved to the kitchen and slammed her pocket book down on the counter._

_"He was flirting with you!" Jane walked over to the other side of the counter. "Trust me friends don't stare at each other for that long, smile every five seconds at each other, or sit that close together." _

_"We used to act like that all the time when we were just friends." Maura said and Jane raised her eyebrows up at her. _

_"Ummm…" Maura could almost feel the sarcasm coming off of Jane. _

_"Right." Maura said realizing how stupid that last comment was. "But it's different with Alan, we haven't seen each other in a long time, and we had no physical attraction to each other." _

_"Different. Right." She ran a hand through her hair then threw her arms up in defeat. Fine, just do whatever you want Maura. I think I'll just go home." She was already walking to the door as she spoke. Maura didn't say anything as she left, slamming the door closed behind her. _

"Quite a story." Frost said glancing at her for a second. "I'm guessing there are other things involved like stress at work, or that incident two weeks ago…"

"Yeah," She whispered. "Maybe I was just being jealous."

"Maybe, but I actually agree with you on that one Janie," Korsak chimed in. "That guy…" a loud crashing sound made him stop in mid sentence and spin around, frantically looking for the source of the sound. He could feel his heart beating faster and a thin layer of sweat form on his skin. He looked over at Frost to see the fear in his eyes too. "We need to get the hell out of here."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter:** **5**

The firetrucks came speeding in just moments after Cavanaugh left them to go talk to detective Crowe about finding Weaver. Maura watched as the men grabbed their supplies and rushed off to do their jobs. As she was watching them a man standing towards the edge of the crowd, looking up at the destruction with unbelieving eyes, caught her attention. She recognized the man immediacy as Lucas Weaver.

"I…I never thought that my little brother…" he rubbed his mouth with his chin and looked at Maura as she approached. "Damn it, I helped him get the job here. He just seemed so down on his luck after the divorce. I never thought he'd be responsible for something like this." He glanced at her briefly then his eyes went back to the building.

"Do you know of anywhere he might have gone?" She could hear Frankie coming up behind her. Lucas glanced at him then back to her, shaking his head.

"You're the ME right?" He asked after a short pause and she nodded. "I…I heard some officers talking. Those detective in there, are they friends of yours?" Tears sprang to her eyes again and she looked away from him. Her eyes focused on the building in front of her.

"They're my family."

* * *

"Ok let's get this finished." Korsak said giving Frost a reassuring pat on his shoulder. His heart was still racing from the scare. Frost nodded and looked over at Jane who had her head cradled in her hands again.

"So how was it you and Maura met?" Frost asked turning around to help Korsak.

"You know how," She mumbled.

"I think it's a great story," Korsak said back to her.

_It was her first day back at work and so, besides everyone staring, the looks, and way to much smiling, things were going ok. She was just happy to be back. They didn't have a new case so Jane found herself at her desk trying to not be bored out of her mind. She looked over at her old partner and wished he would actually have a conversation with her. So far he had only said a couple of words to her. After a few what seemed like forever, Jane found herself getting sleepy so she decided to head into the bathroom and splash cold water on her face to wake herself up. When she entered the bathroom however, the sound of sniffling instantly caught her attention. She quietly pushed the door open a little more to find a woman standing at the sink and desperately trying to wipe away the signs that she had been crying. Jane had never seen her and couldn't help but stare at the woman. Her golden hair shined as the light hit it, and she was wearing a dark blue dress that hugged all her curves and stopped just above her knees. One of the very brief things that Korsak had mentioned to her was that they had a new ME. As she recalled his description, she knew that the woman in front of her was none other than Dr. Isles. Though it was not the way she had intended to introduce herself, Jane just couldn't leave her in there alone and crying. She quietly slipped in and closed the door behind her. The soft thump of the door closing alerted the other woman to her presence and she turned around with a shocked and slightly embarrassed expression. _

_"You ok?" Jane asked taking a step closer but still giving the woman her space. The woman looked at her then with a bit of hesitation she shook her head. Jane crossed the room and put a hand on the woman's shoulder. "What happened?" _

_"I...I heard one of the detective's talking…" she said wiping her eyes again._

_"Which one?" Jane demanded in a soft tone. _

_"Detective Crowe." _

_"Ugh, should have known." Jane said shaking her head in frustration. "Crowe's an ass." _

_"He seemed so nice, he even asked me out for drinks tonight." _

_"And what did you say?" Jane crossed her arms already guessing how it all played out. _

_"I told him I was otherwise engaged. I'm still getting settled into my new house." She said looking to the floor._

_"What did he say?" _

_"He said maybe some other time." She looked back up at Jane and more tears threatened to come out as she continued to speak. "Then I overheard him talking to some officers about me." _

_"What did he say?" Jane repeated already feeling the urge to punch Crowe in the face. _

_"He said…that I was probably some stone cold, rich bitch snob that only cares about looks and money." Jane closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, trying to keep calm. When she opened them again she smiled up at her. _

_"Ok, let's get you out of here." She said reaching for the woman's hand. She was surprised that the she actually followed her without any hesitation, considering they just met and she hadn't even told her what her name was. "Wait here," Jane said leaving her at her desk and walking up to Crowe's. _

_"Hey Rizzoli, good to see you back." He said looking from some officers he was just talking to. He smiled at her and she nearly gagged at his attempt to make himself look good. _

_"Good to be back." She said with a fake smile of her own. She began to walk away but turned around and spoke so that the officers could hear too. "Oh and Crowe, she rejected you because she's way out of your league. She's a person and you're and ass. Stick with the hookers you might have some better luck there." The officers broke out into a laugh and smirked as she turned around and headed back to her desk. _

_"I…don't think anyone has ever taken up for me like that before." Dr. Isles said with a look of shock and thankfulness. "Thank you detective." Jane raised an eyebrow at her. Clearly she wasn't the only one who knew who she was speaking to. _

_"Your welcome Doc." She said earning a smile from the other woman. She smiled back and held out her hand. "Jane." Dr. Isles took her hand very gently so not to cause any discomfort. She had heard everything there was to hear about Jane Rizzoli. _

_"Maura." _

"Crowe didn't care about keeping up appearances after that." Korsak chuckled at the memory.

"Nope, he was a regular ass after that." Jane mumbled.

"He didn't mess with Maura that much after that though," Korsak said.

"Yeah, his new target was me." Frost said shaking his head. "And if I remember correctly you didn't help much either." He said glancing at Korsak.

"Circumstances." Korsak replied as they finally got the door cleared. "Whew, well let's try and get out of here." He said wiping his forehead. Suddenly, the floor felt shaky and another crashing sound filled the room. Frost immediately ran over to Jane, Lowered her to the floor, and used his body as a shield. Only a fraction of a second later, Korsak tried as best he could to cover them both as things began to shake and fall around them.

* * *

Maura and Frankie were watching the firefighters prepare to go in to the building when they heard the blasting sound. People scrambled back from the building and watched as some lower windows were blown out, sending out shards of glass. There was a brief pause before all hell broke loose with people shouting and running around.

"No!" Maura screamed. It felt like someone else was controlling her as she took off running towards the building. She didn't get far when a pair of strong arms wrapped around her and held her back. "Jane!" She screamed trying to get loose.

"Maura!" Frankie yelled tightening his hold on her. "Maura, you can't!" He held her close and she finally gave up. Tears fell down her face as she looked up at the building with complete shock and fear.

"I didn't…I didn't tell her…"

"It's ok Maura," Frankie managed to turn her around and hold her while she cried. Maura clung to him as that morning replayed itself over again inside her head.

_She could feel Jane's eyes on her but she kept her eyes closed. When she felt Jane slip out of bed as soft and quiet as she could and reach over to set the alarm for later. Maura opened her eyes as she listened to Jane getting ready for work. Jane usually got her up when she did but for some reason she had decided to let Maura sleep in. When she heard her soft footsteps getting closer Maura closed her eyes again and pretended to still be asleep. She almost gave herself away when she felt Jane close to her, and the soft warm kiss that she placed on her cheek. _

_"Love you Maura." She whispered before walking out of the bedroom. Maura opened her eyes and touched the tingling spot on her cheek. Tears sprang to her eyes at the show of affection that had been missing, from the both of them, for the past few weeks. She sat up on the edge of the bed when she heard Jane's car driving off. She turned off the alarm and smiled as she thought of something nice they could do together on their day off tomorrow. _

"I didn't say it back." She said through her tears as Frankie was patting her back to try and get her to calm down.

"Shhh, it's ok Maura." He whispered but silently wondering what Maura was talking about.

"I didn't say it back."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter:** **6**

Frankie made his way through the crowd of people, making sure to keep a hand on Maura's arm just in case. He finally spotted Cavanaugh and rushed over to him.

"Sir what happened?" He said glancing around at the commotion.

"We think there was a second bomb." He said looking from Frankie to Maura. "We can't ask those men to go into that building when there's a chance there might be another one."

"But sir…"

"We're trying to figure it out." He said and Frankie took a good look at him for the first time that day. The lines of concern where deeply etched into his face. "I'm trying." He said and Frankie nodded. "Get Dr. Isles back please." He whispered and Frankie nodded again and led Maura back away from the center of the crowd.

"This can't be happening." She whispered looking up at him as if hoping it was all a dream.

"I know Maura." He pulled her into his arms again. _Please be ok._

* * *

None of them moved even after the room settled down again and everything was eerily quiet for a moment.

"You guys ok," Korsak said lifting himself up. Frost sat up and looked down at Jane.

"I'm fine," he said to Korsak "Jane you ok?" She reached her hands up and brought them to her head. "Did you hit your head again?"

"No," she said wincing at the pain in her head. "It really hurts."

"I know just hang on for us ok." Korsak said. He got up and opened the door, relief flooded through him when he saw that the stairs where still intact. He nodded to Frost and kneeled next to Jane. "Ok, we're going to help you get up now ok?"

"Yeah," she lifted her hands up and both men took one and placed a hand on her back. They managed to get her standing up but an intense pain shot through her head and nearly made her fall down again. She pulled away from them, fell to her knees, and vomited on the floor. Korsak's eyes went big as he went over and held her hair back. Frost patted her back and looked at Korsak with fear in his eyes.

"You ok," Korsak asked when she was done. She shook her head and Frost helped her to sit down, and there was a brief moment of quietness.

"Let's go." Jane said quietly.

"Jane, are you sure? You…" Frost began but Jane cut him off before he could finish.

"Mmhm." She held her hands out to them again and they got her to her feet. She swayed for a moment and both men helped to support her.

"Ok, we're gonna try this." Korsak said as they walked towards the door, very slowly so that Jane could keep up.

* * *

They watched as the Firemen were discussing what they were going to do. A silence had fallen over the two of them. Neither of them knew what to say in order to make the other feel better. Frankie had dragged Maura further away after hearing one of the firemen had mention that they didn't even know if they were still alive. Maura had gotten angry and Frankie quickly pulled her away, but the silence made the truth of that comment all too real.

"Hey Maura," Frankie's voice snapped her out of her thoughts and she looked over at him. "I know that it's probably the worst time to bring it up, but what happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"Between you and Jane, what happened?" Maura looked down at her hands for a moment before meeting his eyes again.

"We had that really stressful case," she said. "I believe that's when it started. Two dead children and no leads, it was very hard on the both of us. Then there was the fight about Alan about two weeks ago, and of course there was that incident last week."

_Maura was fuming as she drove to the hospital. Korsak had called to tell her what happened only a few minutes ago. Her first instinct was to be worried, until Korsak had said that she was fine. By the time Maura got to the hospital she was beyond angry, and the moment Jane saw her she knew it too. _

_"Maura…" Maura ignored her and looked at the bandage on her upper arm. "It's just a scratch." _

_"Just a scratched." Maura repeated in a tone that silenced Jane. "Do you even realize that if detective Frost hadn't intervened you could be dead right now?" _

_"Maura…" _

_"Don't," she snapped when Jane took a step towards her. _

_"You weren't even working, you were at the Dirty Robber!" Maura yelled in frustration. She took a deep breath to calm down then looked back up at Jane. "If two idiots get into some drunken fight it's not up to you to stop it. I'm sure there were other people, Korsak and Frost were there!" _

_"He had a knife Maura!" Jane yelled back. _

_"Don't lie to me!" Maura yelled right back. "He didn't bring the knife out until the two of you were already fighting! You wouldn't have even known it was there if you had just left it alone! _

_"Well then I'm glad it was me and not the other guy he would have eventually used it on!" _

_"Don't say that." Maura said lowering her voice a little. _

_"I took an oath to serve and protect the people of Boston Maura, and if I occasionally have to get into a fight in order to do that then I will!" She knew that she didn't mean the next words that came out of her mouth, but she couldn't they slipped out before she could stop herself. "And if you can't handle that then there's the door." A look of hurt flashed across Maura's face and Jane immediately wished that she had kept her mouth shut. Before she could say anything to apologize, Maura turned around and walked out the door without looking back. _

"Whoa," Was all Frankie managed to get out as he pictured it all in his head. Maura felt a tear fall down her face and she quickly wiped it away.

"The next morning she made breakfast and said that she was sorry." She paused and wiped her eyes again. "I could see that she was truly sorry but I still didn't forgive her. I just walked out and drove to work." More tears fell and in just a few seconds she was crying again.

"Hey, it's ok Maura." Frankie said putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "You were just mad, it's a completely natural reaction."

"I want her to be ok Frankie. I need her to be ok. I need to hold her and tell her that I'm sorry." She cried.

"You will," he whispered and pulled her into another hug. "You will."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter:** **7**

**Ok guys, it's gonna start taking me a little longer to update, got to love school. Anyways thank you to all who've reviewed and I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

They managed to get down one set of stairs. The sign informed them that they had reached the eighth floor. Frost looked over at Jane, noticing that she had gotten paler and there was sweat on her forehead.

"I think it's time for a break." Korsak looked form him to Jane then nodded his agreement. They carefully lowered Jane to the floor and sat beside her.

"How you doing Jane?" Korsak asked also noticing just how bad Jane looked.

"Fine," she mumbled. Truth be told, she felt nauseous again but was trying to keep it back. She closed her eyes and didn't even realize that she was moving until her head was resting against Korsak's shoulder.

"No, none of that," he said. "You've got to stay awake."

"Tired," she said softly.

"I know but you've got to stay awake." He kept his voice gentle but on the inside he was screaming for her to fight. Frost helped him get Jane sitting up again and she opened her eyes partly and looked at him.

"Hey Jane," Frost said breaking the short, silent moment. "What's your favorite memory of Maura?"

"Good one." Korsak looked from him to Jane. She let her eyes close again for a moment then opened then slowly opened them again.

"Don't have one," She said.

"To many huh," Korsak said. "Ok, give us one of the bests." Jane felt her eyes close again and she tried to picture Maura's face.

_The fire was warm against her skin as she added on more wood. Off in the distance she could hear an Owl calling out. She closed her eyes to truly take in the sounds of nature. The owl mixed with the sounds of crickets, and the rushing of water from the creek, creating a symphony of peacefulness. For the first time in a while she felt herself completely relax as she let herself get lost among nature's music. Only moments later, another sound caught her attention. A smile spread across her face as it got closer. _

_"You're supposed to be sleeping." She kept her eyes closed but she knew there was a smile on the other woman's face. _

_"I wanted to be out here with you." Jane opened her eyes and looked up at her. "I was told this was an appropriate drink when camping." Maura held out one of the coffee mugs that she was holding and Jane took it with a smile._

_"Hot chocolate?" She said raising an eyebrow up at her "doesn't that break some sort of health-freak rule?" Maura only shook her head and sat down on the blanket in front of her. Jane uncrossed her legs and put her cup down. She pulled Maura closer and wrapped her arms snuggly around her waist. Maura let herself rest against Jane and they sat there in silence for a while, just listening to the sounds of nature and the popping of the fire. _

_"This is perfect," Maura whispered suddenly. Jane smiled and pressed a kiss on the top of her head. "So perfect." _

She got through the story as best as she could, stopping several times. She felt like at any given moment her head was going to split in two. Several times throughout her story Korsak and Frost had noticed that her speech was starting to slur and they met each other's eyes, knowing that she was getting worse.

"Sounds amazing Jane," Frost said rubbing small circles on her back.

"Sounds like you and Maura have some making up to do," Korsak said getting to his feet. "Let's try not to keep her waiting to long."

* * *

"I want to do something," her voice sounded slightly aggravated but when she looked at him he saw the desperation in her eyes.

"Maura…"

"I need to do something." She repeated, turning away from him.

"Jane would kill me if I let anything happen to you." He said rubbing the back of his head.

"I can't take this," she whispered "I feel so useless," her shoulders slumped with defeat. Frankie gently turned her around and took her hands in his. It reminded her of the time Jane had comforted her after her interview with Hoyt.

"You're not useless Maura," He chuckled and looked from their hands up to her eyes. "I don't think I've ever met anyone who Jane will listen to more than you." She smiled a little at the comment. "I'm pretty sure you're also the only one she'll ever let in as close as you've gotten. You've helped her through the worst." Like a trigger Maura's mind left the conversation and went to somewhere in the past.

_Maura shot up in the bed with her heart racing. She could feel Jane thrashing around and felt her muscles relax, knowing that was what had startled her awake. She quickly turned on the lamp beside the bed and turned to look at Jane. Her breathing was frantic, her muscles were all tensed up, and a layer of sweat was forming on her forehead._

_"Jane," she whispered soothingly and touched her arm. "Jane it's just a dream," she gave her a gentle shake trying not to startle her. "It's just a bad dream sweetie wake up." Suddenly Jane's eyes shot open and she sat up so fast she almost hit Maura. Her eyes frantically searched around the room until they landed on Maura. _

_"Shit," she murmured bringing her hands up to cover her face. Maura reached out and wrapped her arms around her. She felt her tense up but then relax into her arms. _

_"It's ok Jane," she whispered softly. Jane turned around and wrapped her arms around Maura, taking in all the comfort she was offering. _

_"Just a second," Maura pulled back just long enough to turn the light off. She placed a hand on Jane's shoulder and gently made her lay back down, and then she wrapped her arms around her again and smiled when Jane did the same. "I'm right here Jane." She whispered in the darkness. "I'm not going anywhere." _


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter:** **8**

It felt like hours had past when they finally reached the bottom of the next flight of stairs.

"Yes level seven!" Frost cheered, his own way of trying to keep the spirits up. At that point Jane felt like her head was going to seriously just explode. She closed her eyes against the pain and the intense nauseating feeling and lifted her hand from Korsak's and placed in on his shoulder. Korsak stopped and looked at Jane. If it were possible he would've said she had gotten even paler.

"Whoa, I think it's time for a break Frost." The two of them helped her get to the floor and she let her head rest against the wall.

"Hey," Frost said getting down so that he was eye level with her. "Jane, you have to stay awake. Jane!" She managed to open her eyes long enough to glance at him then let them close again.

"You…should go." Her words were slurred and quiet and at first he didn't even believe he had actually heard them.

"No," Korsak was suddenly beside him and confirming what he had hoped he didn't hear. "We're not leaving you here Jane." He said in a stern voice and even though she had her eyes closed Frost nodded his agreement. "Fight just a little longer." Her voice was barley a whisper and her next words sent an icy shill through both men.

"Can't."

* * *

The sudden activity caught their attention immediately as at least four officers ran past them.

"What's going on," Maura asked and even though she knew he had no more knowledge of it than she did, she looked to Frankie. Crowe suddenly ran past them as well but he turned back towards them.

"We know where he is!" He yelled then took off towards his car again. The shock on Maura's face was reflected on Frankie's as she turned around to look at him. They said nothing to each other. Once again they were both at a loss for words. As the patrol cars sped past them Maura and Frankie watched them in silence until they could no longer be seen. Frankie desperately wanted to be with them with everything he had inside him, but when he looked at Maura he knew that he needed to stay. Soon after everyone had left they spotted Cavanaugh approaching them again and they stood waiting for whatever news he had to bring.

* * *

"C'mon Jane stay with us!" Frost could hear the desperation in his own voice and he could see it in Korsak's eyes.

"Just go," She whispered again.

"Jane Rizzoli, you look at me." He demanded in a voice that was slightly harsher than what he had meant. She managed to get her eyes open slightly and Korsak could see the pain it caused her to do so. "You can say it as long as you want but we are not going to leave without you." She blinked once and felt her eyelids get very heavy. She tried to keep them open but it was as if they were operating on their own. She could hear Korsak trying to talk to her but it sounded as if she were trying to hear him underwater. She felt her eyes close and could feel herself falling away from them.

"Jane," Frost said reaching out and placing a hand on her shoulder but getting no response. "Jane, tell us what you're going to do when you see Maura again." He glanced at Korsak then back to Jane but again there was no response from her. He reached up and gently placed his hand on the side of her face. Her skin felt cool and clammy against his. "Jane…Jane!" He yelled but the result was the same and he let his hand fall away and felt his breath catch in his throat.

"Damn it Rizzoli, we came in here together and we're sure as hell getting out together." Korsak said firmly and with Frost's help he pulled her up, as gently as he could, into his arms and lifted her up. "Hold on Jane."

* * *

"They've decided that they'll go in," Cavanaugh said and Maura felt a rush of tears come into her eyes again.

"You'll make sure to thank them for us?" Frankie said and Cavanaugh nodded. He was about to walk back towards the group of Firemen when Crowe's frantic voice cut through the air from the radio he had clipped to his side.

"There's another…." The words weren't even completely out before Maura felt her world collapse in on her. A loud bang blasted through the crowd of people and on instinct people ran as glass and debris was scattered down upon them. For a moment Maura felt like everything had slowed down as she watched the debris falling and the people moving out of the way. She felt her heart stop and her breath caught in her throat, her lungs refusing to breathe. She could hear Frankie's muffled voice but couldn't respond even if she wanted to. Then suddenly she felt everything speed up again. Air rushed back into her body and her heart was beating hard inside her chest.

"No!" The scream tore from her throat and almost on autopilot she ran as fast as she could towards the building.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter:** **9**

The sudden blast had taken them off guard. Frost was blown back against the stairs and had managed to catch most of his weight on his arm. Unfortunately, when he tried to move his arm, a sharp pain shot through it and he knew that it was probably broken.

"Korsak," he turned around and saw that he had been blown back against the wall. He was sitting with his head slumped over with his back against the wall and Jane was lying across his lap. "Korsak." He repeated and managed to get to his feet. He kneeled down in front of Korsak and looked from him to Jane. He felt her pulse and cursed under his breath looked back up to Korsak. "Korsak!" He said louder and slapped him gently until he slowly woke up.

"Shit," he rubbed the back of his head and looked from Frost to Jane. "Shit." He repeated looking back up to Frost.

"It's not looking good man," He said grabbing his arm as another pain shot through it. "We need to get out of here, who knows how many bombs that bastard put in here." Korsak hadn't missed Frost grabbing his arm.

"Yeah, are you ok?" He said nodding towards his arm.

"I think I might have broken it."

"Try not to move it around to much. Do you think you can help me pick her up with your other arm?" He asked and Frost nodded.

* * *

"Maura stop!" Frankie yelled as he chased after her. "Maura!" He reached out and managed to get his arms around her. "Maura calm down." He said a bit more gently. She fought hard to get free from him but he held her tightly and refused to let go.

"Let me go! Frankie please! I have to help them let go!" She screamed and cried out. Suddenly she stopped fighting and Frankie turned her around in his arms and held her close as she cried. He was working mostly on autopilot as the shock of the situation was slowly wearing off. Emotions were so overwhelming that he didn't know whether to cry or yell in anger, so he just stood there with it all locked in and did what he could to help Maura.

"It's ok," He whispered as calmly as he could.

"Frankie!" His eyes shot up to see Cavanaugh rushing towards them. "They've got him. Weaver is in custody and the Firemen are entering the building now." He said and Maura turned her head to look at him, and his heart broke at the sight of her. "We're trying Maura." He said gently and turned to make his way back. As he walked he looked up at the destruction of the building and prayed for the nightmare to finally be over soon.

* * *

They began to walk as quickly as they could manage down the next flight of stairs. Korsak could feel a throbbing sensation in his knee but he ignored it and focused on getting everyone out and getting Jane some help.

"You're limping." Frost pointed out, mostly because he wanted to fill in the silence that had surrounded them.

"So are you," Korsak said back and Frost gave him a defeated chuckle and then the silence was back.

"How much time do you think we'll get off for this?" He knew it was a lame attempt at conversation but he didn't care as long as it filled the silence. The silence was dangerous. It brought up thoughts that he didn't want to be thinking about. Korsak just shook his head, knowing exactly what Frost was doing and he didn't blame him for it. He was all too aware of how bad things had gotten.

"Not enough," he replied. It was only moments later when Frost suddenly stopped in his tracks and Korsak looked at him with concern. "What…"

"Shhh." Frost put his hand up to silence him and strained his ears to hear, a few seconds later he heard it again. He looked to Korsak and the look on his face told him that he had heard it too. Voices, and they were getting closer.

* * *

"Frankie," Cavanaugh called out and waved him over. Frankie looked over at Maura and after receiving a small nod he made his way over to him.

"Yes sir."

"They found them, they're bringing them out now." He said and Frankie felt relief flood through him. His first instinct was to run and tell Maura. Cavanaugh caught the look on his face and hated to be the one to tell him, but also knew that he didn't want him to have to hear it from anyone else. "Not yet Frankie." He said gently and watched as the younger man's face turned serious again. "Jane's been hurt." The words hit Frankie hard like a semi-truck but he held his composure as best as he could.

"How bad," his voice shook slightly as he spoke.

"From what I know so far she hit her head pretty hard. She was awake and they all managed to get to level seven before she passed out, that's all I know so far." Frankie felt his breath catch in his throat and he gave a slight nod to Cavanaugh that he understood. He turned around and was about to head back to Maura but he turned around again and called out to Cavanaugh.

"What about Korsak and Frost?" He asked.

"I didn't hear anything bad so I'm guessing they're fine." Cavanaugh replied. Frankie thanked him and slowly walked back to where Maura was standing.

"What's going on?" She looked up at him with eyes that where pleading for to him for answers. He took a deep breath and tried to block out his own emotions so that he could prepare himself for her reaction.

"Maura…" her eyes where trained on him but when he started talking they drifted from him to somewhere behind him.

"Jane," she whispered. Her eyes grew wide with shock and her jaw dropped slightly. Frankie turned around and he instantly spotted what had caught her attention. From the entrance firemen could be seen coming out of the building. He turned back towards Maura but she had already started running towards them, and he couldn't bring himself to stop her.

* * *

The first person who caught her attention, more than the firemen, was Frost. He was being led from the building and towards an ambulance. She could see him limping as he walked.

"Frost!" She called out to him but her attention was soon distracted away from him.

"We need a stretcher over here!" One of the firemen called out and Maura turned in his direction. Her eyes were magnetically drawn to the pale, unconscious woman in his arms.

"Jane!" She tried to get to her but found herself being held back by a pair of strong arms. She looked up and saw that it was one of the firemen holding her back.

"They're going to get her help, just stay back and let them do their jobs." He said in a calm but serious voice.

"No, I need to see if she's ok!" She fought to get free and was unable to look away from them putting Jane onto a stretcher.

"Ma'am…"

"Hey!" The loud and sudden voice that screamed authority made them both jump and they looked at the man who had carried Jane out. "Let her go Phil." He demanded in a more gentle tone. He had been watching Maura since he had arrived and learned who she was, and knew that she would be on the verge of a breakdown if she was unable to be with Jane.

"She's…"

"Let. Her. Go." The man said looking directly at the man named Phil. Phil looked from him down to Maura and with a slight nod he let her go and she wasted no time going to be with Jane.

**Getting closer to the end! I honsetly can't wait! Thank you to all who have been reviewing and I hope you've enjoyed reading.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter:** **10**

She was alone again, completely surrounded by the white light and not sure of what she should do. Everywhere she looked was nothing but an empty white space. Almost as if they had a mind of her own, her feet began to walk and though she didn't know where she was going they continued to move. As she walked forward she started to notice things fading into view. She could hear faint sounds of birds chirping in the distance and could make out the faded outlines of trees. As she kept going they began to get clearer and the faded outline of a house appeared. Soon, she was standing in the driveway of a house from her childhood. Standing there for a moment, she took in the area around her. The house looked exactly the same as it did when she had saw it last. The small garden at the side of the house, a tire swing hanging from an old oak tree, and the busted up bike ramp that Frankie had tried to build resulting in one of many trips to the emergency room. Finally recovering from the shock, Jane slowly made her way to the front porch. She could still smell the faint aroma of her Grandmother's cooking. She reached for the handle but right before she was about to touch it the door opened on it's own. She hesitated for just a moment before stepping inside.

"Hey Janie." There was her Grandfather, sitting in his favorite old beat-up armchair.

"Hey Granddad."

"Close the door," he said and she turned and closed the door with a soft thump before turning back and looking at him. He looked strong and healthy and he was smiling warmly at her as she stood there. "Well have a seat," he pointed to the couch and she sat down on the soft cushions.

"I'm sorry Granddad." Her eyes shifted from him to the floor as she spoke. She also noticed the lack of pain for the first time.

"Sometimes we can't control what happens." She kept her eyes trained on the floor as she listened to him get up and felt him sit down beside her.

"Am I dead?" She asked looking up at him again.

"Not quite," he said with a wink. He smiled again and tucked some hair behind her ear. "You really have become a beautiful woman Janie. Inside and out." She felt a small smile spread across her face and tears came into her eyes. "You have to go back. You know that right?"

"Yes," she replied.

"It's not going to be easy," he said in a more serious tone and she nodded her understanding.

"I know." Something inside of her said that it was time to go and she wrapped her arms around him, feeling the warmth surround her. "I love you Granddad."

"I love you too Janie. Always." He whispered and they released each other and soon everything faded into darkness.

* * *

She rushed to the hospital as fast as she could. Her heart was pounding and she had barely parked the car when she got out and ran to the entrance. She didn't even stop at the front desk. Instead, she went straight to the waiting room and saw Maura. She was sitting in one of the plastic chairs, eyes red and puffy, staring at the wall as if in a trance.

"Maura," Angela whispered softly as she approached slowly so that she wouldn't scare her. She sat down in the chair beside her and pt a hand in her back. "Maura sweetheart please look at me."

"She's been unconscious for almost two and a half hours." She looked at Angela and more tears came into her eyes. "She's hurt Angela. She's hurt really bad." Angela quickly pulled her into her arms and held her close as she started crying. She knew how bad it was, Frankie had called and told her everything that had happened. She felt tears come into her own eyes as she held Maura close to her.

"Shhh, it'll be ok," she said trying to reassure herself as much as Maura.

"So many things can go wrong with head injuries." Maura said through her tears.

"Jane's a fighter," Angela said with a nod "she won't give up."

* * *

Korsak was free to go after a quick examination. He had pulled a muscle or something like that, he didn't really pay attention, but they gave him a cane to walk with and some pain medicine. He checked on Frost who had to get some stitches in his leg and a cast for his arm. He then made his way to the waiting room after receiving news that there was nothing new on Jane. He paused just before he got to the door when he heard Maura's tears and Angela's comforting words on the other side. He pressed his back against the wall and hoped for the billionth time that day for everything to be ok. Korsak waited until the room became quiet, then took a deep breath before entering the door. Maura's eyes met his and Angela also turned around to look at him. He stood there at a loss for words when he saw the deep sadness on their faces. Sensing that they needed a moment alone, Angela wiped her eyes and stood up.

"We're going to be here for a while so I'm going to get some coffee." She said and stepped out of the room. Korsak hesitated for a moment before taking the seat that Angela had just been in.

"How are you feeling?" Maura just shook her head and wiped at the new tears in her eyes. "Yeah I know." He rubbed his own eyes and let his fingers run through his hair, trying to think of the right words to say to her. "I'm so sorry Maura." His eyes met hers and his heart broke at the hurt he saw there.

"I can't lose her Vince. I'm so lost without her." A tear escaped and she quickly wiped it away. Korsak nodded and thought back to the memory Jane had shared with him and Frost.

"We tried to keep her awake by asking questions. Frost asked what one of her favorite memories of you was." He said and looked at her to see that he had her full attention. Then he told the story back to her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter:** **11**

The waiting room was full of people by the time the doctor finally came out. Maura, Angela, and Frankie were there of course along with Frost and Korsak, Crowe and Cavanaugh, and some other random people from BPD.

"Family of Jane Rizzoli," he said and everyone in the room stood up. The doctor looked up from his clipboard to the crowd of people. "Uh, immediate family," he said. Crowe and the random people from BPD sat down but everyone else remained standing. The doctor looked at them for a moment then just shook his head and told them about Jane's condition. She had pretty bad head trauma and he did his best to explain everything he could, saying that they would know more when she woke up, if she woke up at all. Those last words hit Maura like a bullet but she tried to remain composed and finally the doctor said what they'd all been waiting to hear, that they could go see Jane.

"Maura honey, why don't you go in first?" Angela said and she shook her head.

"No, you all can go first. I can wait." She managed to say though everything inside of her was screaming to be near Jane. The people around the room looked at her as if she had just grown a second head, but Angela understood immediately. Once she got in that room, Maura wasn't planning on coming out. It didn't take long for the others to catch on and one by one they paid a short visit into Jane's room. Angela was the last of them to go in and she stayed a bit longer than everyone else, but when she came out she wrapped Maura in a hug.

"She's all yours for the night but try to get some rest." She whispered in her ear. She gave her a kiss on the forehead and a smile before letting her go to be with Jane.

* * *

Maura's need to be near Jane had only continued to grow stronger since the moment they had been separated shortly after arriving at the hospital. When she walked into the room the first thing she did was pull the chair that was against the wall over beside the bed so that they could be close. Except for the machines, the room was completely quiet. She looked at Jane's still form lying in the bed. Her skin was still pale and she looked so fragile, Maura hated seeing her like that. She reached over and gently took Jane's hand in her own. Her skin was cool to the touch and Maura had to push away the images of other bodies that she didn't want to be thinking about at that moment.

"Jane." Her voice sounded foreign in the quietness of the room, and she began rubbing small circles on the back of Jane's hand with her thumb. "Please…please be ok." She could feel tears coming back into her eyes and she rubbed her eyes to keep them away, she was tired of crying. She looked back at Jane and thought about what Korsak had told her earlier. "We've shared some amazing memories…"

_The day was quickly turning out to be a complete disaster. Maura had been looking forward to it for almost two weeks. She had already had everything planned out. First, they were going to sleep in late and Maura was going to make breakfast when they did finally decide to get up. Next, they were going to snuggle up on the couch together and watch a movie or two. After that she thought they might take Jo Friday for a walk in the park and get some lunch, then just lounge about her house for the rest of the day until it was time to go to the restaurant for a romantic dinner. They were in the middle of picking out the first movie when both of their phones rang, never a good sign. A triple homicide had ruined all those plans and she had barely been able to see Jane at all. When she decided it was time for a break, she went to go see if Jane wanted to go get some coffee with her. To her disappointment Jane wasn't there, so she had to go by herself. She returned a little while later carrying two cups of coffee but her disappointment only grew when she saw that Jane was still not at her desk. Feeling a bit depressed at how the day had turned out, Maura made her way back to the morgue hoping that Jane might be back soon and come down for a visit. The first thing that caught her attention was the darkness when she was sure she had left the light on. She cautiously pushed open the door and felt a smile grow across her face. Her eyes followed the small trail of rose petals from the morgue entrance to her office door, and the flickering of light coming out of the room. She walked slowly to her office and saw Jane sitting on the floor with a bottle of wine and some food from the deli down the street. A candle sat on the floor beside her, creating a soft glow in the room. Maura was absolutely speechless. Jane smiled brightly at her and got to her feet. She took the cups of coffee from her and replaced them with a glass of wine. _

_"Jane…" she managed to whisper as a rush of emotions washed over her. _

_"Happy first anniversary Maur," she said giving her a smile that only Jane could give. _

Maura smiled sadly at the memory and felt a tear slip it's way out as she finished telling the story.

"That's one of my favorites." She whispered and wiped the tears out of her eyes again. "I can't believe we let ourselves drift apart. So you see, you have to wake up so that we can fix this." She said and gently squeezed the hand she was holding. "Please come back to me."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter:** **12**

Too many times, how much could one person take in a lifetime? The thought went through Angela's mind over and over again as she arrived at Maura's house. She used her spare key to get in and went to work feeding Bass. Next on her list, she was going to get Maura a change of clothes. As she made her way to Maura's bedroom she couldn't stop her mind from wondering off.

_As she stood in the kitchen, Angela tried to make herself busy by making some more coffee. The task was finished to quickly though and she found herself fidgeting again. Today was it. Jane was starting her first day at the Police Academy. They had been talking, more like arguing, about Jane's final career decision for almost a month and despite her best efforts, Jane hadn't budged. If she was being honest with herself, Angela was a bit proud of her for that. She had made a decision she believed in and stood by it. She didn't allow herself to feel proud at that moment though, knowing that her only daughter was about to start training for a dangerous job. Her natural protectiveness took over any other feelings she was having. The sound of Jane coming down the stairs made her heart skip a beat and she listened as she said her goodbyes to her brothers and father who were waiting in the living room. There was brief pause of hesitation before the kitchen door opened and Jane stepped in. Angela looked at her, wondering how her little girl with tangled hair and bright innocent eyes, had grow up to the woman who stood before her. So eager to go out and start a life of her own and to prove herself to the rest of the world, when all Angela wanted to do was keep her home and safe with her. There was silence between them as they just took each other in for a moment. _

_"Jane," she said and Jane just shook her head. _

_"Please don't," Jane said not wanting to have an argument with her mother right before it was time for her to leave. Angela nodded and held out her arms. To her surprise Jane stepped right into them and hugged her back as tightly as she hugged her. _

_"I love you Jane," she whispered. _

_"Love you to mom," Jane said and stepped out of her arms. She gave her a small smile and a wave, and then just like that she was gone. Angela heard the front door close, then the car start up and drive away. She closed her eyes and whispered quietly to herself "Please be safe."_

Angela finished gathering the change of clothes and some toiletries for Maura, and then took a second to sit down and think back to that day. She felt tears in her eyes and she wiped them away.

"Should have kept you home." She whispered to the quietness of the house.

* * *

Maura had refused to leave Jane's side as the night went on. Eventually the nurse had stopped suggesting she go home to rest and just brought her up a blanket and pillow. Maura spent a while watching the slow rise and fall of Jane's chest as she breathed. In a way it was comforting. She moved the chair closer so that when she curled up in it she could still comfortably reach out and hold Jane's hand.

"There's so many things I want to tell you," her eyes felt heavy as the exhaustion of the day's event began to take their toll on her. "You have to wake up soon so that we can talk." She blinked a few times and looked over at Jane's unmoving form. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," she whispered. "You were my first true friend and now you mean so much more to me. You're the one who made me feel excepted and safe, and most of all you gave me the one thing I've always wanted. You gave me a family Jane, and it would be broken without you." She said and soon after the words came out she felt her eyes close and she couldn't fight it anymore as she fell into a deep sleep.

_Her body shook slightly as tears seemed to just be pouring out of her. The events of the night played through her head over and over again. Naturally, she had called Jane but when she picked up Maura was crying to hard to get any words out so she just hung up. She didn't even try to get to the couch. She just dropped to her knees on the floor and let it all out. Since she was a little girl Maura had dreamed of meeting her biological Mother. Never in any of those dreams, or even in the bad scenarios she came up with, did it end as bad as this. She was so distraught that she didn't even flinch when her front door swung open. It wasn't until she heard the rushing footsteps coming towards her that she even looked up. By the time she did look up though, strong and steady arms were already wrapped around her and she collapsed into the comfort of Jane. She pulled Jane closer and clung to her as she cried._

_"Maura what happened?" The concern was laced in Jane's voice and Maura tried to catch her breath to answer but it seemed impossible. "Breathe Maura. In…Out…In…Out" Her voice remained calm and steady as she repeated the words over and over again until Maura finally had control again. _

_"She…she doesn't want me." Maura managed to choke out and Jane instantly got what had happened. Maura coughed a little then began crying again. _

_"Shh, I'm sorry Maura. I'm so sorry." Jane said in a gentle voice. "But you listen to me." She pulled away slightly and lifted Maura's chin to look at her. "I know it's hard but if she doesn't want to accept it and get to know you then it's her loss ok." She wiped the tears off Maura's face and looked at her with gentle but serious eyes. "It's her loss. You're an amazing person Maura." Maura nodded and Jane pulled her back into her arms and held her close. "You always have a family with me Maur." She whispered soothingly. "I'm always here." _

A stinging sensation in her legs caused her to wake up, the dream still fresh in her memory. She reached a hand over to what she thought was Jane's side of the bed and when her hand hit the side of the chair her eyes snapped open. She looked around the hospital room with tired eyes and seeing Jane, still laying peacefully in the hospital bed brought back what had taken place. She repositioned herself in the chair so that she would be more comfortable and reached out for Jane's hand again.

"To bad this all wasn't just a dream." She whispered looking at Jane. "Wake up soon, ok Jane." She managed to say in her soft tired voice. She gave Jane's hand a gentle squeeze before her eyes closed again and she drifted back off to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter:** **13**

The sun was barely coming up as she made her way towards the hospital. There was a calm eerie feeling as she walked through the dim lit hallway towards Jane's room. She moved the bag of food and the clothes she had brought to one hand and reached for the handle with the other. She smiled sadly at the scene in front of her. Maura was asleep looking rather uncomfortable in the chair, still holding Jane's hand. She turned around and tried to be as quiet as she could while shutting the door. The door made a soft thumping sound as it closed and that was enough to stir Maura's consciousness. She rubbed her eyes with her free hand and looked over at Angela who was walking towards her slowly.

"Angela?" She whispered letting go of Jane's hand so that she could stretch her aching muscles. "What time is it?"

"About five thirty, sorry I didn't mean to wake you up." She walked over to Maura and handed her the clothes. "I figured you might want some clean clothes."

"Thank you." Angela nodded and reached into the bag pulling out a breakfast burrito and handing it to Maura.

"You need to eat something." She said giving Maura a look that said there would be no arguments, and Maura just nodded. Angela smiled at her and pulled the other chair up so that it was on the other side of Jane's bed. She reached over and gently placed her hand over Jane's. "It's almost like she's sleeping isn't it." Maura gave her a small smile and reached for Jane's other hand.

"Yes. Almost." She whispered staring down at Jane who looked so uncharacteristically peaceful that it somewhat scared her.

"My baby's gonna be fine," Angela said taking her daughter's hand in her own. She chuckled slightly after that and looked up at Maura. "You know there's only one time I can remember when Jane had let me call her baby as an adult."

_She wasn't even frustrated anymore. No, it was beyond that. She was so infuriated that she wanted to get the first thing she could get her hands on and just rip it apart. But that was exactly the problem. She couldn't get her hands to work. She had gotten those bulky bandages off of her hands a week ago. She had thought that once those were off everything would be a lot better, but she was quickly proven wrong. Her hands were absolutely refusing to follow any command she was giving them. She took a few steps back until she felt the wall press against her back, and she allowed herself to slide down to the floor. She looked at the broken pieces of the cup she had tried to pick up then looked down at her hands. She stared at the ugly marks, forever a reminder of her own personal nightmare. A numbing feeling fell over her as she stared at them and wondered if her life was ever going to be the same again. She honestly didn't know how long she had been sitting there when she heard the door open and her mother call out. She heard Angela's sharp intake of breath before she dropped the groceries she had bought on the counter and rushed to her side. _

_"Jane," she moved some hair behind her ear and lifted her chin up so that she was looking up at her and not at her hands. She herself couldn't help but glance down at them for a split second before meeting her daughter's eyes. She didn't say anything and just waited for Jane to be the one to speak first. Since she had come home Jane had barely said anything to anyone, she was hoping that she would decide to finally open up. A few moments went past as the two of them just stared at each other. Angela's heart broke when tears suddenly came into Jane's eyes and all the fear, the sadness, but most of all the frustration and anger hit her all at once and tear just began pouring out of her. Angela held her as she cried and rocked her soothingly back and forth as she let it all out at last. When she finally began to calm down she felt her body relax in her arms as if a weight had been lifted off of her. _

_"I feel so helpless." The confession came in a soft whisper and broke Angela's heart. _

_"You are anything but helpless," she whispered back. "You're strong." She gave her a gentle squeeze and kissed the top of her head. Jane nodded and felt her eyes begin to close. Angela noticed and helped her get to her feet and led her into her bedroom. She pulled the blankets back and Jane just let herself fall into the comfort of her bed. _

_"Sorry ma," She whispered as Angela pulled the blanket up over her like she used to when Jane was a child. _

_"Shh, there's nothing to be sorry for." She said and Jane nodded slightly, her eyes were already closed. Angela kissed the top of her head again and moved some hair out off her face. "I love you baby." She whispered and half expected Jane's usual complaint to go along with it. _

_"Love you too ma," came the silent whisper a second later. _

Angela felt tears come into her eyes after she finished talking and she quickly wiped them away. She felt that Maura had enough worries and didn't want to add to them by crying in front of her.

"There are not many people that Janie let's get close to her." Angela said, breaking the silence that had settled over the room. She looked up at Maura and their eyes met and they connected as a mother and daughter. "There's no one else I would rather have sitting right there in that chair." She said nodding over to where Maura was sitting. "You're an amazing person Maura."

"Thank you," she said quietly and felt tears come into her own eyes. "You have no idea how much that means to me." A silence of understanding past between the two of them as they both took a moment to wipe the tears from their eyes.

"You're suppose to eat that," Angela said a moment later, glancing at the still wrapped food in Maura's lap. She gave her another one of those no arguing looks and Maura smiled at her. She was just about to let go of Jane's hand to unwrap the food when she thought she felt a twinge of movement in her hand. Her eyes shot to Jane's hand and her entire body tensed up. Angela noticed her change in posture and looked back and forth between her and Jane. "What is it?"

"I thought I felt…." Her breath hitched in her throat and she was sure she saw Jane's eyes flutter slightly with movement. "Look! I think she might be waking up." The tone of her voice was soft but full of desperate excitement. Angela saw it too and she felt her heart start racing.

"C'mon Janie," she said and watched her closely.

"Wake up Jane," Maura felt as if her heart was beating so fast it would soon shut down from exhaustion. "Please wake up Jane," she said in a voice that was practically begging. She felt all the blood rush to her head and her body heating up fast as she squeezed Jane's hand for encouragement.

"Open your eyes Jane," Angela said a little louder. As she was looking down at Jane, Maura felt the world come to a complete stop again as she was finally able to look into those beautiful dark eyes again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter:** **14**

**I just want to take a moment to thank all the police officers, first responder, firefighters, soldiers, and everyone else who work hard to keep us all safe, the people who save our lives sometimes even giving their own in the process. Today is a day that should and will not ever be forgotten. For those of you who have lost loved ones on that terrible day I want to let you know that you are not alone, a whole nation grieves with you today and I am deeply sorry you and for all those lives lost. Today, everyone take a moment to thank the people in your lives that work hard to make the world a safer place. **

The first thing she saw when she had finally been able to get her eyes open was a beautiful pair of eyes staring back at her. She blinked a few times to clear her vision then looked into those beautiful eyes. She wanted to say something but a voice behind her distracted her.

"Janie," She recognized it instantly to be her mother's. Her head hurt but she turned around and was met with her mother's smiling face. Her throat was dry but she managed to at least get out a word.

"Ma." Her mother's eyes lit up when she heard her voice and Jane took a second to look around the room. She was in the hospital. She tried to think back and remember why but it was all a bit fuzzy. She looked back at the other woman and was just about to attempt to speak to her when she heard the door open and the doctor came in. She answered all of his questions relatively easy until he got to the last one. Then the whole atmosphere in the room changed.

* * *

The relief that flooded through her was unlike any she had ever felt before. For the first time since learning that Jane was in trouble Maura was able to take a good deep breath without the weight of fear crushing upon her. Jane blinked a couple of times then finally their eyes met and Maura got a feeling that she couldn't quite explain. Before she could dwell on it for even a second, Angela found her voice.

"Janie!" With some effort Jane turned her head and looked towards her mother.

"Ma," Her voice was hoarse from her dry throat but both of their eyes lit up at the sound of it. Jane turned back towards Maura and was about to say something when the doctor came in, staring down at his clipboard.

"Good morning Ms. Isles…" he looked up and smiled brightly when he saw that Jane was awake. "Well when did this happen?"

"Just a minute ago." Maura said unable to stop smiling herself.

"Ok let's have a look." Angela stood up and let the doctor have her chair. He took out his penlight and shined it into both of Jane's eyes. The nurse who had come in behind him went out and came back a few seconds later with some ice chips. She gave some to Jane and the doctor waited for a minute before speaking again. "I'm going to ask you a few question that I want you to answer ok?" She glanced at Maura for a split second then looked back to the doctor and nodded. "Ok, do you know what month it is?"

"April." She said and Maura's smile brightened.

"What state are you in?"

"Massachusetts."

"Good. City?"

"Boston." She was sounding more and more confident with each question that she answered and both Angela and Maura where relieved.

"Ok do you remember what happened?" He asked scribbling some notes on the clipboard. She thought about it for a moment then shook her head no. "Well that's ok sometimes it takes a while for that to come back." He said with a reassuring smile. "Just a few more." He scribbled something else and without looking up from his clipboard he pointed at Angela. "Who is that?"

"My mother."

"What's her name?"

"Angela Rizzoli."

"Ok." Still not looking up, he scribbled something else then pointed at Maura. "And who is that?" The question was met with silence as Jane slowly looked back over at Maura. The doctor stopped scribbling then looked up at her. "Jane." His face had gone serious for the first time since stepping into the room. "Who is that?" The smile fell from Maura's face and she felt her chest tighten up again. She now realized what she had felt earlier when Jane had first looked at her. As she looked into her eyes now, Maura was sure of it. Jane's eyes were different when they looked at her, something was wrong. "Jane?" The doctor said but she didn't take her eyes off of Maura, and Maura didn't take her eyes off of Jane. They were searching for something inside of each other that neither of them could find. Finally Jane shook her head.

"I don't know."

* * *

The wind was blowing softly again. It made the flowers sway slightly and ever so slightly blew across her skin as she sat on the coolness of the stone bench. She sat there surrounded by the beautiful garden the hospital had set up so that patients could come outside and sit around the beauty of the plants and hopefully it would help them feel better. As she sat there Maura was surrounded by the red and white roses, the blue pansies, some yellow tulips and a couple of other plants all fenced in by some well trimmed bushes that also provided privacy for the patient to be alone with family members. One time, a time that seemed so long ago, Maura had found this a fairly beautiful and relaxing area. Now, she found no comfort in it as she wiped the rapidly falling tears from her eyes. Her world had just completely shattered not even twenty minutes ago. The blank look in Jane's eyes as she tried to recall any memory of her was just too much and she had to get out of there. She couldn't find it in herself to leave though, and instead came out to the garden. There she could be alone for a while and try to catch her breath that had seemed to leave her entirely, but being in that familiar place also hurt because of a history that was entirely hers now.

_She kept her arms folded in front of her and the pout on her face as Maura turned the wheelchair into the entrance of the garden and stopped right beside one of the stone benches. She shook her head at Jane in amusement and sat down on the bench. _

_"I could have at least tried to walk." Jane said keeping up the annoyance in her voice. _

_"You could have also hurt yourself," Maura added. "You begged me to get you out of that room, the doctor only agreed if you would use the wheelchair." _

_"I didn't exactly want you to ask the doctor's permission Maura," she mumbled under her breath. Maura smiled and took Jane's hand in her own. _

_"This is supposed to be a peaceful place Jane. A place where patients can go to feel relaxed and happy." _

_"Until they make them use the chair." Jane said shifting in her seat slightly a sharp pain shot through her side and she unsuccessfully tried to hide it from Maura. _

_"And you wanted to walk out here?" Maura said raising an eyebrow up at her. Jane sighed in annoyance and a silence fell over the two of them. _

_"You know…it is pretty peaceful out here." Jane said after a moment and Maura smiled at her. _

_"It is." The last two weeks had been hard on everyone, especially the Rizzoli family. Frankie had been discharged almost a week ago and Jane had finally woken up a couple of days ago and was already going insane being stuck inside that hospital room. Maura's nerves had been shot since they had sped the Rizzoli siblings to the hospital and were still getting back to normal. But besides being incredibly anxious to get home, Jane was handling the fact that she had shot herself and nearly died, actually did die about three times, fairly well. _

_"Talk to me Maur." Jane asked sensing that something was troubling her. _

_"I...it's just…" Maura shook her head and looked at Jane. "Does anything both you?" _

_"This wheelchair does." She said, but the look on Maura's face said that it wasn't the time for jokes. "Yes. A lot of things bother me Maura." _

_"It doesn't seem like it." Maura said looking down at her hands. Jane knew where all this was coming from and she ran a hand through her hair as she thought of what to say. _

_"I was scared." That caught Maura's attention and she looked up at her. "I was more scared then I had ever been in my life when Frankie was dying and I couldn't do anything. I was scared when I reached for the gun…" she shook her head as if to try and just shake the memories away then looked seriously at Maura. "But I did what I did and I can't change that now. Now all I can do is deal with the consequences." _

_"Why did you do it?" Maura asked._

_"Because…" she paused and looked into Maura's eyes. "Because despite how scared I was there will always be something that I'm even more afraid of, and as long as I don't have to face that I can deal with anything else that I have to." _

_"And what's that?" Maura said taking Jane's hand into her own again and leaning forward slightly. "What is it that you're most afraid of?" They looked into each other's eyes and for a moment everything was quiet until Jane spoke again. _

_"Losing you."_

The wind made a piece of Maura's hair fly up and gently glide across her face but she paid no attention to it as she thought about that day. She could hear Jane's words as if the were whispering in the wind.

"Me too," she whispered to no one. Another tear fell down her face and she let it as she thought of what she was suppose to do now that the most important person in her life had no clue who she was.

**The End...**

**I also want to thank Cajunghost for taking the time to read over the chapters and help me with spelling issues. **


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